so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
