pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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