I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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