he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
