I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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