apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
