I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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