There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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