can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you never un-have a 4some
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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