Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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