We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
