we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize