I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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