You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
