so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
