fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
