I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
