dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need to stop coming to work sober
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
