I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
