All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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