Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
