The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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