This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
