In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
