just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
