Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
