I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
