I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
