I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
