hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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