Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
