sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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