I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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