I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
