honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
