my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
