i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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