Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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