I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
