Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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