when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
