My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
