BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
