well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
