eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
