is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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