i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
