i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
