what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
