I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
