I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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