Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
