My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize