non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
that may or may not have been my penis.
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