Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
