i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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