I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
