Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
