That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
