when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
4 words: hood of his car
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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