Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is wine microwaveable?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
