if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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