SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
