whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
