some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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