Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
