It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
