Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
