after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
