remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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