how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
