my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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