I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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